I was just looking through my profile pictures on Facebook. The oldest one is from July 2008. Which makes that picture pretty damn old...oh snap. Well! I really couldn't help but wonder over how much I've changed in the 3-4 years...from this very shy, scared little girl, who couldn't stand up on her own two legs, to an independent...well yeah I dare say woman. Not only my personality and appearance have changed. The vibe I give out has become so much more...how can I put it? True...you can almost see in the old pictures if you weigh them up against the new ones that I'm not the person I really wanna be in the old ones. I'm not me. Well I wasn't me! Because the person I am right now is exactly who I want to be. A girl who can speak her mind and be proud of herself. I've become so true to myself and I feel free to do whatever I want. The transformation of myself has taken so many years. I've been in every corner of any personality and fashion style to see where I fit in. I tried to be just like the others. But I couldn't afford the clothes, so I ended up looking like...well a geek. It was obvious to anyone that I tried to fit in, but just didn't know how to. Then for a period of time I really didn't care. Then I tried to be totally different, with a mix of j-fashion and punk/scene, but that didn't go too well either. I tried to get along with all the other 'scene kids', but I didn't fit in there either. I just remember being so frustrated and angry. I grew jealous of every popular kid on facebook, goSupermodel, every popular blogger, the popular Tumblr's, everyone who had a little more 'status' than me. I was out of the ordinary, but I wasn't happy. And then I don't really know what happened...at some point, I think it was when I went to the Gymnasium...I just started to get a grip on how to put together clothes and what matched and what didn't. I started to gain more confidence and I didn't have to look like everyone else or be out of the ordinary. I just had to be me. People accepted me for who I was, what i wore, what I said and my past and sexuality. 'cause it was when I went to the Gymnasium, I realized the fact that I was gay. People acknowledged me as I was. This fact gave me self-esteem I think and I could be exactly the girl I was and the girl that I deep down inside wanted to be. A self-sure girl with the nerve to do what she wanted and never let anyone take credit for her work. A girl who wants to help others and can look past her own boundaries. This is who I am.
I have so many people whom I can thank for the fact that I am, who I am today. Both bad and wonderful people. So many memories I've had that shaped me into who I am. It's incredible to think about.
The catapillar cracked its tough armor and a
beautiful butterfly flew across the sky free as the sun.
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