Thinking too much can

only cause problems.

I was just wondering, why so many people bother to

ruin their own self-esteem by always saying 'why am

I not beautiful?', 'I wish I looked like that' or 'why is

she prettier than me?'. It actually pisses me off to listen

to sometimes. It's all right to have low self-esteem, but

come on! When a person then tells you 'you are beautiful'

just take it. Quit that 'no I'm not!!!!' nonsense. When you

say stuff like that it just sounds like you want attention. 

And nobody likes an attention whore, sorry to say. But

that's rock hard facts. And don't say, I don't know how

it feels like to have low self-esteem. I had it up until...well

my self-esteem has improved more than ever, since I've 

met Nina. That means it's been about six months since

I got real self-esteem. Approximately a year before that

my self-esteem started rising slowly, then dropped around

last summer, for reasons that don't need mentioning here 

since I'm trying not to hang people out to dry in public. But

up until a year and a half ago my self-esteem was at rock-bottom!

But I didn't go around saying I was ugly, because I didn't 

want people to know, I thought I was ugly. So I just sat

and took whatever compliments came in my face. And slowly

I started believing in them. Very slowly...it's taken me an 

entire life to realize that I am beautiful just the way I am. I've

got nothing to worry about. And if people don't like my l

looks? They can just go to hell. Teach yourselves to accept

your body and looks. My body isn't perfect and of course I 

have bad days like every other normal person. Just because

I am quite photogenic it doesn't mean I look great every

second of the day! 'cause I truly don't. I just can't take

girls who sit around waiting (unknowingly) for somebody

to tell them that they are beautiful. When somebody finally

do, the will believe it in three seconds and then their mind

gets all of these thoughts about 'she's just saying that as a 

friend'...or 'he's just trying to get into my pants'! Come on!

Give yourself some credit! You're beautiful in your own way!

Don't let the magazines pull you down and say you need to

look this way or that way. You just need to look the way

you want to look. Nothing else. Be abnormal! Out of the

ordinary! And then people will recognize you more when

you walk down the street and think 'what an awesome 

chick, she is!'...and for those who think 'weeeeirdooo!'..

screw them motherfuckers! No don't...don't screw the 

motherfuckers. Just raise your middle finger and say 'don't

like what you see? Then why are you still starring?!'.

Katja - over and out for tonight!

xoxo